What My Breakup Taught Me – III

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

― Deborah Reber

Phase 3: Retrospect

Humans form an extraordinary part of the class that encompasses all of the things that live and thrive in this universe we all collectively call the home of our ancestors and our children. But it must be noted that being extraordinary does not always disregard the presence of folly. No matter how much so ever a thing is pristine and perfect, if it is not ours, we portray our most critical selves towards it. No matter how much so ever a thing is destructive and harmful, if it is ours, we portray our most delusional selves towards it. Perhaps that is why we applaud most high functioning sociopaths; it is their very ability to see and dissect things as they exist and not take in to consideration, their sense of belonging or astray towards it, that frees them from the restrictions our diverted minds create so abundantly.

I will be lying if I told you I had not come across any warning sign throughout our relationship. But of course, like every other person, I chose to see over it and convince myself by saying that nobody is truly and absolutely perfect and that is what makes everybody unique. But here is the thing. He does not need to be perfect for the world. He just needs to be perfect for you. Most complaints are puny and do not affect a person too much. But please make a note of the red flags. For instance, I knew that there was a lack of trust in our relationship, but a part of me shrugged it off as intense consideration for the other person. Turns out, it was just a lack of trust.

So, after I knew I completed phase 2, it was time to retrospect. I took to my diary and made a list of all the red flags I had noticed. Not only does this help you in understanding what led to what, but it also helps you in filtering the people you meet after this phase. And, it also helps you curb your urges of contacting him back if you happen to stumble upon an old picture or an undeleted song from your playlist, because of all the reasons that would be in front of your eyes which should restrict you from contacting him in the first place. Did he have an addiction problem which you tried to fix but he would never consider it? Note that down. Was there a time when he genuinely considered you lesser than him? Note that too.

Did he ever try forcing you into sending him certain pictures of you? Absolutely, note that down too.

The Retrospect phase, quite evidently, makes you vary of different kinds of persons, but above all, it makes you know yourself a little bit better. And nothing could be more rewarding than understanding yourself before you try understanding others.

Phase 4: Revamp

I woke up today in the morning and I knew I was over him. It just felt so right, and it is something I would love to hold on to. The past few days were a roller coaster of all imaginable feelings and I am glad I let it out off myself instead of containing it within. I knew I had forgiven myself for being in an array of rebound relationships in order to not feel what I should have. I could finally go back to my usual self, becoming someone who was not so aloof and self-loathing.

It was time.

I rushed to the living room and hugged my parents. I finally texted “Awesome” to my friend who would ask me how I am feeling, every day. I could listen to all songs romantic and not end up with a pillow soaked in my tears. So, I logged in to my account and I cannot help but notice the very first part of this series. How broken, how vulnerable was I then? How content, how strong am I now?

As much as I would like to say that I am back to my old self, I know I am better than I have ever been. Because I have unlocked parts of me that I might not have, if what happened did not happen. The person we spend the longest time with in our lives, are ourselves, and I am glad I know her more than ever now.

Of course, I smile myself to bed, with my eyes open, and pondering not over if tomorrow would be beautiful or not, but over how beautiful it would be.

Thank you for reading.

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